Hellhammer - Apocalyptic Raids 1990 A.D.

Noise International WK45499. 1990

Back in my tape trading days (yes kids, it wasn't all mp3 and download ratios back then - padded envelopes, postage stamps and a shit load of flyers falling out of packages), this was one of the most requested recordings. Well, the original '84 demo anyway.

In its fuzzy 15th-generation tape-to-tape copy form it had a certain mystique about it. It sounded evil, as if Satan himself had shat it onto the tape and smeared his ass up and down it like a dog with worms.

Fast forward a few years and we have a nice, clean copy, and some of the magic dies along with the stench of Beelzebub's turd and iron-oxide mixture.

It's badly recorded (probably not their fault really), weakly produced (the bass drum sounds like someone blinking slightly too hard), and they can't really play their instruments. That said, I'll always have a soft spot for this, especially the poptastic catchiness of Horus/Aggressor.

Rolf Harris - Sun Arise (single)

EMI CDEM210. 1991.

No record of this on allmusic or discogs. Does what it says on the tin really, it's early Rolf.. Includes Two Little Boys, Six White Boomers, and I've Lost My Mummy, which makes me want to kill stuff.

Interesting-ish fact - there's a typo on the cover (of which there is no record on't interweb - I had to scan it) - "Iv'e lost my mummy". Idiots.

Steve Gibbons - Short Stories / Stained Glass (2xCD)

Road Goes On Forever Records. RGF/SGDCD048. 2001

This is the first time I've listened to either of these disks. I only have this as I did the artwork for the CD reissue.

Short Stories - 1971. I wouldn't know what to describe this as. Dull. Mainstream. Nondescript RnB. Early seventies twaddle. There's nothing actually wrong with it, it just doesn't have anything at all on here that grabs my attention. Albert Lee plays on it, if that's any help.

Stained Glass - 1996. More mainstream nothingness. All of the above. His voice veers between Man Who Sold The World-era Bowie and seventies Dylan. I don't know how you can fail with Tom Waits' Looking for the heart of Saturday night, but he does.

Not for me. Sorry Steve. Cracking artwork though!

Gwar - Scumdogs of the Universe

Master MAS CD001. 1990

My copy pre-dates the 'explicit lyrics' gumph on the cover. 

This is, frankly, fucking dreadful.

I think my ex must have bought it after the first time we saw them live. It was an outstandingly brilliant spectacle, which left us coloured pink for weeks from the torrent of fake blood. I remember walking around town the following weekend, you could tell who'd been to the gig. They weren't so good the second time around, but that could be down to us knowing what to expect. I had the hots for Slymentra Hymen pretty bad.

How do you hide money from a hippy? Hide it under the soap!

Diamanda Galás - Plague Mass

Mute CDSTUMM83. 1991

Did I ever really like Diamanda Galas? Or did I just want to appear strange? 

Recorded live in NYC, 1990, this is all about the Aids n that. I'm not sure it could possibly be any more miserable and depressing to listen to. I was quite cheery earlier on. Now I'm on edge, have a headache and just want to go to the pub.

That's put me off listening to stuff for the rest of the day now.

Check it out!

The Lucky Sperms (Jad Fair and Daniel Johnston) - Somewhat Humorous

Jagjaguwar JAG34. 2001

I picked this out of the rack as I have a great 7" by The Lucky Sperms (Ecstatic Peace, 1987). On closer inspection it's a different Lucky Sperms (t'other one being Sonic Youth and Mike Watt), but I bought it anyway since it's Jad and Daniel.

What a ghastly racket this is. Really, I don't care if the lyrics are funny or clever if they're sung over inept, cack-handed thrashing.

Jad Fair stayed at my house once, but I've already banged on about that here.

The Flaming Lips - The Soft Bulletin

Warner Bros. 1999

I can't remember if I bought this for my darlin' dearest or vice versa.

Regardless, this is their Pioughd. 

YAWN!

Eugene Van Beethoven - Eugene Von Beethoven's 69th Sin Funny

Fundamental SAVE88CD. 1990

Being good musicians does not an album make.

Live and annoying.

Zos Kia / Coil - Transparent

Threshold House LOCI CD13. 1997 (1984)

First five tracks are Zos Kia recorded live at the Berlin Atonal Festival, 1983.  Mostly a terrible noise, with the odd recognisable element from later Coil stuff. You probably had to be there.

The other five tracks are rehearsal and live stuff (more noise) and some demo tracks which are more listenable.

I wouldn't bother.

Billy Childish - I Am The Billy Childish (fifty songs from fifty records) 2 x CD

Sub Pop SP116. 1991

Number 1366 of 2500, apparently. Definitely a case of quantity over quality. The first CD is a load of 12-bar, badly recorded, poorly performed garage shit. The second disk cleans itself up a bit, but still nothing of note.

Poor songs. Poor singing. Poor playing. Poor recording. Just rubbish.

I do actually like some Thee Headcoats, and some of the Blackhands stuff, but on the whole I think this guy is one of the most over-rated in music.

Batman: Original TV Soundtrack

Mercury / Phonogram PG899. 1966

If you'd received this as a kid in '66 I suspect you'd be a little gutted. 

Incidental music from the TV show interspersed with dialogue clips.

Highlight: track 5, a very lounge affair, which gives way every few seconds to a Robin-ism. 'Leaping Lumbago', 'Holy Schizophrenia'.

A thankfully brief 24 minutes