Black Uhuru - Black Uhuru

Virgin CDVX1004. 1980

Full of meaty Sly and Robbie goodness.

Where's the repeat button?

The Breeders - Cannonball

4AD BAD3011CD. 1993

The title track is brilliant. That little sliding riff is a simple work of genius.

Three fillers follow, unfortunately.

Buffalo Tom / Liam Gallagher & Steve Cradock - Going Underground / Carnation

Ignition IGN SCD 16. 1999

I have no memory of this whatsoever.

Unnecessary.

Broadcast - The noise made by people

Warp TBCD1413. 2000

That's better. Lots of variation, atmosphere and SONGS.

Trish Keenan's vocals get a bit samey after a while.

Broadcast - Extended Play Two

Warp WAP141CD. 2000

At least they found the adjustment button for the tempo on this one.

Slightly more interesting.

Broadcast - Work and Non Work

Warp CD52. 1997

Dull. Sounds like one long, boring song. It's if if they found a setting on all their kit and thought 'That'll do!' for the whole album.

Butthole Surfers - Rembrandy Pussyhorse

Touch and Go RRECD2. 1986

My joint favourite BS album (with Psychic...). Don't know why. I think it's because it sounds so effortlessly odd.

Butthole Surfers - Hairway to Steven

Touch and Go T&GLP29CD. 1988

The last great BS record.

I have fond memories of sitting in my very blue living room with FGC and CP, all full of psychedelics (I think it was CP's first trip). We had this on the turntable, and we're on the floor around the cover, taking turns poking it. We had a collective hallucination that it was acting like rubber or liquid (hard to remember exactly), ripping and waving with each poke. A good night.

A couple of years later I became a bit friendly with a girl I kept seeing at the Riverside Club. She wanted a bit of education in the finer points of obscure music (which this was at the time), so I said I'd do her a couple of tapes. A laborious, real-time process in pre-mp3 days, you kids. I wanted to include a couple of tracks from this and Locust, but when I played the vinyl they sounded a bit flat and worn. Played to death. I must have felt a bit financially flush at the time as I went and bought the both of them on CD just to make the tape.

Butthole Surfers - Independent Worm Saloon

EMI 0777 7 98798 2 3. 1993

BS sober album No. 2. It's just rock. Not as bad as Pioughd, but another nail in the coffin.

Still vaguely resembling Butthole Surfers songs: The Wooden Song, Tongue, Edgar

I hate you, John Paul Jones.

Butthole Surfers - Double Live

Latino Bugger Veil NOT4CD. 1989

2 compact disks

29 songs*

2 hours and 12 minutes

live DAT bootleg recording

*10 bonus songs not on vinyl

recorded on panasonic SV-250

portable digital audio tape recorder

It's pretty good, though I think The Cherubs sounded better.

If there's a better name for a record label than Latino Bugger Veil I don't know it.

Butthole Surfers - Locust Abortion Technician

Touch and Go T&GLP#19CD. 1987

Everyone's favourite BS album. Probably. Except mine.

Many's the long evening spent in various bars with NG and RH debating the best BS album, and I'd always be in the minority. Yes, I appreciate this was groundbreaking, outstanding and utterly unique, but it doesn't make it my favourite.

This is an essential part of anyone who considers themselves an alternative music fan. If you haven't heard it you don't know what you're talking about, where you are or what you're doing.

Songs played from this album at The Cherubs gig (hey, 11 songs after 3 rehearsals ain't bad!): Sweat Loaf, Graveyard, Pittsburg to Lebanon, Human Cannonball

In fact, here's Sweat Loaf for your enjoyment

Butthole Surfers - Pioughd

Rough Trade R20812802. 1991

If only they'd kept taking the acid, we wouldn't have to deal with shit like this.

I consider the majority of this album a personal afront, and I'll take issue with any of the BS if I'm ever in the same bar as them. I'll simply walk up to them, utter 'Lonesome Bulldog parts I, II, III and IV' gently in their ear and smack them down.

Not utter shite: Revolution parts I+II (we played II as the encore at The Cherubs gig - see below),

Bayaka - The Extraordinary Music of the BaBenzele Pygmies

Ellipsis Arts CD3490.

This is just a copy (ooh, naughty), and I'm not sure why I've got it stuck in the middle of the Butthole Surfers disks. I seem to remember it was packaged with a nice book all about the pygmies.

This is field recordings of them singing, and it's canny. The squeaky little buggers.

Butthole Surfers - American Tornadoes (Bootleg)

MiC Records MIC120. 1993

Dodgy German bootleg that says 'all songs recorded live in 93', but a lot of this is demo stuff.

Not bad quality though.

Butthole Surfers - Hurdy Gurdy Man

Rough Trade RTT240CD. 1990

A pleasant enough rendition of the flimsy Donovan song.

Second track, Barking Dogs, is a waste of time, and a long one at that. 7min30 of samples of dogs and gunfire with twiddly guitar annoyance. Thanks lads.

Lastly we have a Paul Leary remix of HGM. Why? A lack of ideas I suppose.

Butthole Surfers - Psychic, Powerless... Another Man's Sac (+ Creamed Corn from the Socket of Davis ep)

Fundamental SAVE55CD. 1985

I couldn't find anything but the reissue cover online, so here's a photo of mine.

I used to hang around Volume Records in Newcastle on a Saturday, which is where most of my late 80s musical education came from. I'd peruse the weird and wonderful slabs in racks and pick stuff up that seemed randomly interesting. One day I picked up Butthole Surfers' self titled debut (also known as Brown reason to live or Pee-pee the sailor) and got one of the staff to play it. Epiphany moment. I handed over the cash, and IH grabbed Psychic, Powerless at the same time. We took them home, dutifully taped our purchase for the other, and never looked back.

It wasn't until years later I realised I'd been listening to Psychic... back to front. IH had taped side B first, and that's how I always listened to it when I bought the vinyl a couple of months later. It just doesn't work the other way round. Lady Sniff was born to be an album opener. The closing clangs and feedback of Butthole Surfer were surely always meant to close the record. Try it that way round - it makes so much more sense.

I just played a few tracks from this (Gary Floyd, Cherub, Moving to Florida) live in a one-off BS tribute band The Cherubs. T'was at the Cluny, Newcastle, at the Bad Houses club night, December 31st 2007. You could even watch this dodgy video of our rendition of Cherub. I'm the handsome guitarist on the right of the screen.

Creamed Corn ep is champion as well.

Buy this. Now.

Bongwater - The big sell-out

Shimmy Disc SHIMMY50. 1991

Sounds like they'd ran out of ideas by this one. Boring and forgettable, finished off with a nasty version of Everybody's Talking.

Highlight: the back cover picture of Ann. Oh my god. Look it up just for that.

Bongwater - Double Bummer

Shimmy Disc Europe SDE8901/DCD1+2 (2 x CD). 1989

Once again, there's no sign of the right cover art online, so here are two bums. The covers of the two CDs, when placed together, make up a detail from Kenny Schart's closet by Tseng Kwong Chi, which was actually the back cover from the Breaking No New Ground ep. Blah blah.

More generosity from Shimmy Disc. This has all four sides of the Double Bummer vinyl, the Breaking No New Ground ep and the 7" You don't love me yet/Porpoise song. BNNG was the first Shimmy Disc release I bought, and I fell in love immediately. The drum track on Ride my see-saw is my favourite ever. That lazy, lagging snare gives me shivers of glee.

This is an album I'll never get sick of. It's worth buying just for the cover versions, especially RMSS and the 7".

'Bobbaaaaaaaaaaaay!'

Bongwater - Too much sleep

Shimmy Disc Europe SDE9017/CD. 1990

The drum-machine album. No worse for it.

I used the intro drum pattern from the start of The Drum for the Random Felch track Funky Bongo Song (which will mean nothing at all to you unless you frequented dodgy pub gigs in early 90s Newcastle). It was too long for my sampler pedal, so I used the A-B repeat function on my CD player, which gave a lovely little pause that did wonders for the timing of the track. It was a bit flakey though, so it probably took a hundred attempts to get a consistent pause. Waffle waffle.

Highlights: the aforementioned Slap Happy cover, Talent is a vampire, Psychedelic sewing room, Splash 1 (Roky Erickson)

'And don't forget we're nothing yet but (bong)water'

Bongwater - The power of pussy

Shimmy Disc Europe SDE9134/CD. 1991

'Some have teeth, some have hair. Some have soft sweet petals, some look like Cher. Some make you sweat, some make you run; some will even eat their young. The POWER OF PUSSY!'

I love Bongwater. Does it get any better than Ann Magnuson? I saw them live at Newcastle Riverside and it's the best gig I've ever been to. Phenomenal. Kramer story no.2 - hang on, sorry - I'm getting mixed up. That wasn't Kramer, it was Chris from Nirvana, or was it? Too much beer back in the day. Anyway, one of them chucked his bass into the audience and there was a big fight over it, ending with me and some other chap having a tug of war over it. I won, but the bouncers took it off me at the door. If you're going to chuck your bass, at least have the decency to leave it at that. Swine, whoever it was.

This has an amazing version of Kisses sweeter than wine on it. I remember BN in tears when they played it at the gig, which was a really touching sight. It chokes me up every time I hear it.

'What keeps me going? She said "Chimichangas"'

'They have Nick Cave dolls now? I want one!'

B.A.L.L. - Trouble doll

Shimmy Disc Europe SDE8909/CD. 

Say what you like about Shimmy Disc, they always gave value for money. There are 30 tracks on here, only 11 of which were the original album. Seven extra studio tracks and 12 recorded live at CBGB's in 1988.

This has much more of a slack, hippy feel than (Four) Hardball, so better in my book.

I think you'd have to be really in the mood for this to enjoy all 30 tracks in one go. I'd had enough some time ago.

Live tracks are really well recorded, and pretty good.

B.A.L.L. - (Four) hardball

Shimmy Disc Europe SDE9018/CD. 1990

I liked the lo-fi, slack ethos of Shimmy Disc. It fit with my inherent laziness and my inability to fully master any instruments (due to just not being all that arsed), remaining a cack-handed guitar hacker to this day.

I was never a big fan of Don Fleming's guitar work though. Too many twiddly solo bits. Take those out and this rocks. Not as good as earlier stuff such as Bird (that's in the vinyl section), but enjoyable none the less.

I saw B.A.L.L. at Newcastle Riverside club many years ago, and they were great live. I have memories of two Kramer incidents at gigs, and can't remember which was when. Well, let's say this one was the B.A.L.L. gig - Kramer was dragged into the crowd and had his t-shirt ripped off by all us weirdo freaks. The bulk of it is stuffed into the sleeve of Bongwater - Double Bummer under those shelves over there. I should maybe check that out - who knows what breeds in Kramer sweat over the course of 17 years.

Honourable mention for drummer Jay Spiegel - he's pretty good, though badly recorded and mixed on the bulk of this disc.

Ballboy - Club anthems 2001

SL Records LONE11. 2001

A collection of the first three eps plus bonus tracks. A delicious slab of indie brilliance. Manages to be sweet, funny and poignant all at once, without the twee nonsense of Belle and Sebastian. Not 'Club' music at all.

I don't think this is mine - probably belongs to JM. Sorry mate, I'll give it back.

There are stickers on the back with a revised track list and an apology for a mix-up at the pressing plant. Ah bless.

This veers from jolly thumpers like the opener Donald in the bush with a bag of glue, to gentle finger-pickers like They'll hang flags from cranes on upon my wedding day, back to anthemic biggies like Public park. Never boring. One of the best disks so far and it isn't even mine.

'Space is brilliant'

'Someday we'll be millionaires, and we'll go dumper-truck racing'

The Bucketheads - Kenny 'Dope' presents.... All in the mind

Henry Street/Positiva/EMI CDTIVA1010. 1995

I couldn't find an image of the cover I've got (green background, black and white writing), so here's a chap with a bucket on his head.

Quite nice background party music, but nothing stands out other than The Bomb!

Track 4, Time and Space (Remix) is just awful - how'd they let that out of the studio? There's quite a lot of overly repetitive vocal sample use on here. Subtlety doesn't figure highly.

Track 7, Got myself together (Kenlou mix) has two melody samples that aren't even in the same key. Nasty. Track 11, Little Louie Bonus - one fucking annoying vocal sample over and over for 6min23. I need some Kava Kava and a cup of passiflora tea.

Not bad at all, if you take the above offenders out of the mix

Basement Jaxx - Remedy

XL Recordings XLCD129. 1999

They don't half do a good dance tune these fellas. A couple of fillers, but on the whole a pretty damn good album.

One major annoyance is the crap Selector sample from On My Radio they use on Same Old Show. Ruins it. Horrible.

Highlights: the singles - Rendez-Vou, Red Alert, Bingo Bango

[edit] - just noticed Too Much Pressure by The Selector is in the header image above. Well how about that....

The Birthday Party - Mutiny / The Bad Seed EP

Mute / 4AD CAD301CD.  1983

More difficult Harvey/Howard guitar work, but very listenable in small doses. 

Highlight: Sonnys Burning

Syd Barrett - The Madcap Laughs

EMI/Harvest 7243 8 28906 2 1. 1994 (1970)

I love his floorboards.

Highlight: The out-of-tune false start on If it's in you that makes it sound as if the song will never work. He starts again, with just a slight change, and it all falls into place. Beautiful. Octopus

Syd Barrett - Barrett

EMI CDP 7 46606 2. 1970 

I'm one of those old fashioned fellas that likes a tune. This is full of them.

Syd does mainstream (almost).

Syd Barrett - Opel

EMI/Harvest CD P 79 1206 2. 1988

Not much evidence of tortured genius on this, just the ramblings of a casualty.

Highlight: Wined and Dined

Blur - She's so high

Food CDFOOD26. 1990

I like the early stuff. Catchy pop niceness. I notice Leisure and the single There's no other way (in my opinion one of the most perfect pop tracks ever) aren't on the shelf. Two more victims of FGC's greed. Bitch.

Blur - Tender

Food FOODCDS117. 1999

Yawn.

Blur - Modern life is rubbish

Food FOODCD9. 1993

Entirely forgettable. Not sure why Damon Albarn decided to sing like 70s Bowie on this, but he did. The first track, For Tomorrow, could have been on Hunky Dory or Ziggy.

Not shit like the others: Resigned

Blur - Blur

Food FOODCD019. 1997

I'm making no apologies, I think this is alright, alright?

I like Beetlebum. I like Song No. 2. I like that Coxon uses a Pro-Co Turbo Rat distortion pedal on it, which was my favourite piece of kit before it was nicked a couple of years ago, along with most of my other guitar stuff. My lovely old sample/delay pedal that I used on most of my tunes during the early 90s. My beautiful, pointy-headstocked Charvel Model 1 (Kahler tremelo model, not the inferior Floyd Rose model that followed). Ibanez Tube Screamer. There are tears in my eyes.

Highlights: The two aforementioned dittys, and I really like the chorus bits of Death of a party

Blue Jam

Warp WARPCD079. 2000

Surreal, sick, sweet. Chris Morris is the funniest man alive. Probably.

Whack my bonobo

Shove your balls up my nose

Cack on my Gladys

Shit your leg off

The Birthday Party - Junkyard

4AD CAD207CD. 1982

I don't have a love/hate relationship with Nick Cave's music, so much as a tolerance/indifference.

Actually that's not strictly true. I do like quite a lot of his stuff, but at the same time a lot of it makes my balls shrivel. It isn't so much NC, as he has a great voice, more Mick Harvey and Roland S Howard. Their guitar thrashings sometimes get a bit much.

What a waste of two paragraphs that was. Start again...

Polished production, better musicianship, but ultimately not as engaging as their earlier stuff.

Highlights: Big-Jesus-Trash-Can, Release the Bats

Beme Seed - Lights Unfold

Rough Trade 157-1198-2. 1990

I bought this on the strength of Kathleen (the singer) being the naked dancer for the Butthole Surfers.

Now for me, a fundamental requirement of being a singer is at least a vague idea of what singing is, or a style so out-there that it transcends our understanding of musical form and melody.

Ms Lynch has neither. Tuneless whining. I'd rather listen to menstruation.

The music is no better. A sad attempt at psychedelia that leaves a bitter taste in the ears.

Ooh, someone's in a mood today! That's what a week off the booze does for you.

James Brown - Funky President (the very best of)

Polydor 519 854-2. 1993

See post below.

He's up there with Tina Turner. Isn't it time she was dead?

If it wasn't for the riff from Funky Drummer he'd have left nothing in this world that I'd consider worth a good god damn. Sorry, there were these arrest shots that amuse me - they've got to be worth something. What was that? Oh yes, drug possession, assault and automotive offences. Godfather of getting on my nerves.

Rant over. Sorry.

James Brown - "Greatest Hits"

Master Records 8327-2. 

Their quotes, not mine. Nowhere on the cover does this mention it's live, poorly recorded, and just a bit rubbish. It was probably £3-ish.

I hate James Brown, I'm glad he's dead. Sweaty, overblown, amphetamine-fuelled freak.

Don Braden - Organic

Sony/Epicure 481258 2. 1995

Starts well with a simple tenor sax/guitar tune that would relax an uptight rabid dog on speed, hits you with a pedestrian slab of dull jazz-lite, into a Jimmy Smith-esque number, then another, and..... oh well.

The only tracks that stand out aren't Braden's: Belief was written by the percussionist on this record, Leon Parker; and It Might As Well Be Spring (so laid back it'll never stand up) is a Rogers/Hammerstein composition.

Braden is a talented sax player, but not much of a writer if this is anything to go by.

Bow Wow Wow - See Jungle

EMI/BMG PIPCD013. 

Annabella Lwin was my first big proper crush. I played my Chihuahua 7" over and over, lusting in my own pathetic pre-teen way. It's probably worn out - I'll see when I get round to the vinyl.

Why on earth they chose to put the abysmal 12" remix of Chihuahua on here is anyone's guess.

There's some amazing guitar work on this, I'd never really taken that much notice before.

Highlights: Chihuahua, Go Wild In The Country (despite them both being the poor 12" versions), Orang-Outang (a thumping western/flamenco instrumental), El Boss Dicho

Bomb The Bass - Into The Dragon

Rhythm Kings/Mute DOODLPCD1. 1988

Of it's time and annoying.

I did nick the squeeky bleep bit from the start of Shake It to do make 2 tracks on the Sex For Ollie cassette album Downbeat Enthusiasm.

Buzzcocks - Love Bites / Another Music In A Different Kitchen

EMI 7931092. 1989

Sooner or later you're gonna listen to Ralph Nader

Pete Shelley's voice gets on my nerves after a while. Great stuff in small doses.

Highlights: Moving away from the pulsebeat, Ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn't have)

R.L Burnside - Come On In

Fat Possum/Epitaph 0317-2. 1998

Quite a bit of looping and sampling on here, but it works ok. His cack-handed blues riffing and chewing-sandpaper voice take precedence throughout.

R.L. Burnside - Mr Wizard

Fat Possum/Epitaph 0301-2. 1997

He's backed by the John Spencer Blues Explosion on a couple of tracks, but they keep it subtle and they remain RL's own.

Pretty good, raw Burnside.

David Bowie - David Bowie

Decca 800 087-2. 1983 (1967)

David does his Tommy Steele impression. Only kidding, like.

This is quite sweet (aaahh). I suspect Harry Enfield got his 'Only me!' catch phrase from Love You Til Tuesday, as it sounds exactly the same.

I'd say DB was still working on his voice when this was recorded, as it's quite raw and a bit off here and there.

Highlights: loads - Uncle Arthur, Love You Til Tuesday, Come And Buy My Toys, Join The Gang, She's Got Medals and the very creepy Please Mr Gravedigger.

Well worth digging out if you've only heard later DB.

Uncle Arthur still reads comics

David Bowie - Space Oddity

Rykodisk. 1990

More fairly throwaway stuff. Makes me wonder how he ever got anywhere.

(One and only) highlight: Space Oddity

Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do

David Bowie - The Man Who Sold The World

EMI CDEMC3573. 1990 (1970)

Hairs on the back of the neck twitch with the intro riff to Width of a Circle. They soon settle down again once it kicks off. This album isn't really very good at all. Way too much widdly-widdle guitar nonsense going on.

Highlight: The Man Who Sold The World

David Bowie - Hunky Dory (Remastered)

EMI 521 8990. 1999 (1971)

Would have been the perfect album if it weren't for the dreadful Song for Bob Dylan.

Impossible to pick a highlight, though Andy Warhol is probably in my all-time top ten.